Grief is emotionally and physically draining. Everyday is a challenge. Special days can be even more difficult.
How do you get through the holidays, birth and death days, or just a Monday after your baby has died? Well, you have to do what helps YOU. What I do may not be right for the next person. You have to learn what works for you to make it through those days and realize that your choices may and probably will change in the following years.
There are many suggestions for us and so many of them are helpful. With Thanksgiving and Christmas quickly approaching, the pressure from family and friends may be overwhelming to someone who is facing the first holidays since their baby died. If parents have other children, there is the pressure to make the holidays as normal as possible when you may actually wish you could just skip them all and wake up on January 2nd.
In our latest Share Newsletter they remind us that if you are expecting things to be the same as before your baby died, you are going to be disappointed. They also point out that many people in your lives may expect you to "be over it" by now and expect you to enjoy the holidays like before. I believe it is possible to enjoy the holidays but it will be different. For some parents, finding ways to incorporate their baby into the holidays is helpful.
I believe that women especially are geared to be pleasers and caregivers. We don't want to hurt or disappoint anyone. Somehow we must find a balance between caring for our own needs during the holidays and pleasing others. If you feel that you cannot participate in a large family gathering, preparing a huge meal, or even shopping and sending out cards THEN DON'T DO IT. If you want to simplify the holidays in order to get through them, IT IS OKAY. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO DO IT DIFFERENTLY! I promise you that the world is not going to stop and your family will not fall apart.
Make your family aware of your feelings and explain to them what you can and cannot handle. If they don't understand, it is not your job to make them. One thing I have learned is that no matter how hard you try, you cannot "teach" anyone what this journey is like. If they have not lost a baby, they cannot and will not ever truly understand.
I wish each of you a Thanksgiving filled with an inner peace and a promise of hope.
This Thanksgiving and everyday know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Colleen
Welcome
Hello and welcome to the new blog site for Share of Northeast Louisiana. Share is a support group for parents who have suffered the heartbreaking loss of a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, newborn death or during the first few months of life. We are a chapter of National Share that has been supporting families for over thirty years.My name is Colleen Howard. I started the local chapter of this wonderful organization in 2002. Since then several parents and a grandparent who attend the meetings helped make it possible for our small group to grow and do things I never dreamed possible. We held our first Annual Walk for Remembrance and Hope in 2007. Although small, it turned out to be a day that is etched into our hearts forever. In the same year we became incorporated and aquired non-profit status. In doing so, it opened doors for our group to fulfill even more goals. Share of Northeast Louisiana holds meetings at least once a month. Parents, grandparents and other family members or friends (excluding children) are welcomed by other bereaved parents. Here we are able to share our grief and find a support system so that parents can deal with their loss. I know firsthand and from working with others that it makes a profound difference when hearts open and heal with the help of those who truly understand. Our group also provides grief packets to area hospitals, women's clinics and funeral homes so that bereaved parents are immediately made aware of our support group. We never want a parent to need support and not know where to turn. If you or someone you know has lost a baby and would like to talk to one of our members or attend our meetings, please email me at ColleenH38@aol.com. Our meetings are held on the second Monday of each month but we are available at other times as well. Colleen
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment